Ruth Kemp, high school English teacher. She forced us to journal, and this was in the 1980s! So, each day we had to just write for 20 minutes a day. Write about anything, but you had to write even if you just copied text from a book or magazine. The cool part is she would read everything you wrote and respond with comments. So, even though I didn’t want to write, I loved her reactions to what I wrote! For me, it became a game to try and make her laugh or be shocked. She was smart and playful and always played along with my creativity. She taught me that I actually loved to write, I just didn’t know it. I ended up being her teacher’s aide for my junior and senior years. We would talk for hours about anything and everything.

She retired years ago, but when I wrote my book, The Talent Fix, I wanted to send her a copy because she was really the reason that it happened. I found out, through the school, that she was doing some volunteer work at the local airport assistance desk with some other senior citizens. I fly a lot, so I thought eventually I would run into her. One night on a last flight of the night coming into the airport at almost midnight, I finally ran into her on her very last day of volunteering ever. It had been 30 years since we had seen each other (she totally looked the same!). I walked up to the counter, and she asked me if she could help me. I said, “I’m Tim Sackett!” and she replied, “Of course you are!” We hugged and shared stories, and it brings tears to my eyes as I write this that I could see her one last time and let her know what a dramatic impact she had on my life.

I think if you fail a lot, you are more likely to keep failing. Our society tends to believe the opposite. Fail more! Fail faster! It’s all bullshit. I coached baseball, and if I had a kid strikeout one hundred times in a row, he was not going to hit the ball at 101! He would have lost all confidence, and he would be beaten down. Failing doesn’t lead to success, typically. Finding little successes, little wins, that add up over time, lead to success. So, I’m going to set this ball on a tee, and you hit from there. Then once you do well with that, I’m going to toss the ball underhand you hit that. Eventually, we’ll make it to where you can hit a ball being pitched at you. More failure leads to more failure in almost every case. Don’t believe the hustle porn! Find ways to be successful.

I think it’s false that you need to love her job. I love my wife. I love my kids. I love my dog. It’s okay if I don’t love my job. I can still be great at it. I can do it for the rest of my life and not love it, and still be successful. Love what really matters in your life. For some people, that might be your job, but I think for most, we use our job/work to allow us to do more of what we love outside of that work world.

I used to use slurs while believing I was joking, or that it wasn’t harmful. It’s just a word, and I didn’t mean that way, etc. “Oh, that’s “gay”!” for describing something I didn’t like or didn’t agree with. Until I had someone very close in my life come out as gay, and we discussed how this type of use made them feel less than. That it was a putdown. That I was basically saying, they were less by using words in that manner.

This really shook me to my core because this person, and so many of my gay friends who I care about and love deeply, I realized, finally, what I had allowed to happen from me and around me. I still struggle at calling out others when they use this type of language, but I’m working on it every day, so no other person has to go through that.

Because of my writing and speaking style, I have a tendency to trigger people. To be honest, I just like arguing the opposite side of certain things to prove how ludicrous we get sometimes in arguing certain convictions. The reality is, my user manual would have the top, in bold letters, “Always assume Tim has positive intent!”

I know I sometimes upset some folks, but it’s rarely my intent. I can’t think of a time in years where I went out trying to upset someone. I tend to want to help most people, not upset them. Some folks are just more easily triggered than others.

In uncomfortable situations, I try and lighten the mood for everyone involved by making jokes. For some, this helps, for those in the middle of something they are deeply passionate about, this can seem callous and uncaring about their position. Again, that’s not my intent, but in the heat of a moment, it doesn’t feel that way to them.

I will and probably have joked on any topic. I love humor, and my humor probably goes darker than 99% of folks in the world. I’ve gotten fairly good at finding a core group of close friends that know the difference between humor and reality that I can share that side of myself with. Nothing I love more than a #TooSoon joke.

When I was in college, I thought I was Democrat because I care about so many democratic causes. When I started working, I thought I was Republican because I cared more about the financial aspects of my life, starting a family, etc. What I’ve come to realize is that I’m actually a raging moderate. I care deeply about certain liberal positions, and I care deeply about certain conservative positions. So, truly neither party supports who I am, in America. My hope of all hopes is that we could have the rise of a truly powerful third political party in America for the ‘rest of us’ in the middle.

Oh my god, I have to pick only one!? I’m a shopper. I have more shoes than any man alive should have. I would say the best purchase I’ve made recently are these great shorts by a company called Fair Harbour. The most comfortable shorts I’ve ever had! I love them and bought four pairs!

I’m not really into possessions. I mean, I’ve got a lot of stuff, but I would lend anything I have to a friend tomorrow without question. To me, possessions are just that. When my grandfather died, he had a fishing hat he always wore. Smelled like a mixture of him and his Old Spice cologne. I used to put that hat over my face, and that smell would instantly bring him back to me. Somewhere along the way, I lost the hat. The amount of money I would pay to have that hat back is a small fortune!

Okay, this is my Brainfood Tribune, so I’m saying my villain, is more of an Anti-Hero, and it’s Dead Pool! He’s definitely not a superhero, he likes to joke, he likes to make fun of everything, but he’s got a big heart and likes to help people. He doesn’t really want to get involved, but when he does, he mostly makes the right decisions. I love everything about Dead Pool! That first movie should have won an Academy Award, and I’ll argue with anyone about that!

I’ve got three sons, and when they were little, all of them at different points asks that one question that all siblings tend to ask Mom and Dad. “Dad, who do you love most?” Now, when they asked my wife that question, “Mom, who do you love the most?” she would always say, “I love you all equally.” When they asked me that question, I would say, “I love your Mom the most. I can make more of you, but I can’t make more of her!” I never changed that answer.

But, if I only had one final dinner party, I would have it with my three sons so I could explain to them how they had to take care of their Mom!

I had a CHRO I worked for once ask me, “Tim, do you want them to throw you a going-away party!?” I looked at him puzzled, we were discussing my team’s performance. He was pushing me to understand that it was most important for my career if I pushed my team for great performance and not be the most popular boss they ever had then to be well-liked, but not pushing them to reach higher performance.

He said, “you can be well-liked and they’ll throw you one hell of a going away party when I fire you, or you can make them better, and there will be no going away party!”

The best performance doesn’t always win in large political organizations. I worked for a large organization where each year, they gave out Rolex watches to the top performers in Operations, Marketing, Training, and HR. I was in my second year, and I had the number one scorecard in HR. Not only that so did my partners in operations and training. So, we had the big awards dinner, and people are congratulating me. I watch my partners get called up to the stage and receive their new Rolex watch, and I was next. But my name wasn’t called. The award wasn’t for being number one, specifically. It was an award that each c-suite leader could choose for the best performer in their function. Traditionally, that went to the top scorecard, but this year the CHRO decided he was going to give it to another pro who made great strides in their region but wasn’t close to being the best. This person also had a very close relationship with the CHRO. Had weekly updates with CHRO. They Invited the CHRO out their region to travel with them. I didn’t, I was a bit newer and quite frankly had the best scores, so I rarely engaged the CHRO. There was nothing he was going to show me, I had it taken care of. Turns out, relationships manner in big organizations. I had the most embarrassing evening of my career that night. I was so confident I was the one, but I wasn’t.

People kind of come in two types: people who really work and those who will do stuff, but they would prefer not if given a choice. When I’m hiring, I’m looking for people who are workers! My interviews about this work ethic. What jobs did they have? Are they willing to get their hands dirty and do whatever it takes to get the job done? Most people have a hard time truly lying about what they do and don’t do. You see, the non-worker types believe they truly work hard, so they’ll tell you exactly what they do, which really isn’t that much. The real workers will tell you what they do as well, and it almost always blows you away with how much they do, but they don’t think it’s really that much. You almost never go wrong hiring a worker!

Anally on time! Okay, that’s my own bad quality! To me, if you are on time, you’re late. In my world, being on time means you show up 15 minutes early. I can’t tell you how many people in my life I drive crazy with my “timeliness.” So, I would love a colleague that beats me to the conference room, and we both stare at each other for fifteen minutes waiting for everyone else to show up!

Not being able to pay my bills. I was raised by a single mom, and money was always tight. We were that family at the grocery store where the clerk would have us put things back because we didn’t have enough money to pay for what we put on the belt. I think once you live through those experiences, you never really lose that fear.

I’ve been successful enough in life where this truly isn’t a worry I should have, but it gets me up every morning! I still look at the day-old bakery goods at the grocery store for deals. I don’t own a fancy car. And I drive my wife crazy sometimes trying to find deals on stuff. So, like so many people, my biggest fear is being able to pay my normal weekly bills.

Being able to select the ‘best’ candidate for a position. There are too many variables at play for each selection. We all think we make the best selection, but it’s still mostly a 50/50 proposition, even with the best data and selection science. It’s not that we suck at selection, it’s that we can never truly comprehend the number of variables in play in every one of these decisions. We might all be better off by just flipping a coin.

“We only hire Top Talent at our Organization!” No, you don’t! You actually hire the talent at that moment who is willing to accept the job you have, with your average pay and benefits, in the market you need that talent in. You aren’t hiring top talent! You don’t even know who the most talented people are in the skill sets and positions you are hiring for! Stop it, you sound stupid when you make statements like that.

Surround yourself with people who are better than you at all the stuff you suck at! Sounds way easier that it really is because it means you have to have enough self-insight to understand what you suck at and accept it. But, if you surround yourself with those people who can make you better, there’s nothing that will stop you. Too often we surround ourselves with people who are just like us, and we all suck together.

My wife has had the single biggest impact to my career. I’m not saying this to win points with her, she knows it. My wife is super smart and super organized. When we met, I was like most dudes, unorganized, just going to school, no real plan. I didn’t realize how her planning and organization would help when we met. Quite honestly, it’s mostly annoying and aggravating.

The reality is, without her, I would never had made it the level of success I have. She helps keeps me on a great path. She calms the noise in my world, by ensuring everything else outside of my profession is in order. She is a great partner in every sense of that word. Without her in my life, I know for a fact my career wouldn’t have been as successful as it is.

The tough part is she was always more accomplished person when we met and early in our relationship. She gave all of that up, to be a world-class mother and wife. I know we don’t regret her making that decision, we have an amazing life and amazing kids, all because of her, but she did sacrifice her own professional success. I’m grateful of that every day.

Thank you to Tim Sackett for taking 20 Questions for The Brainfood Tribune. HR Famous is the new podcast for HR